Pie v. Edmonds

Pie: Can be used as a pinch runner.
Edmonds: Can sometimes run.

Pie: Covers the entire field.
Edmonds: Covers his face with hideous stubble.

Pie: Seems to enjoy playing the game.
Edmonds: Seems to enjoy clubbing baby seals.

Pie: Has stolen a base in the 21st century.
Edmonds: Has stolen looks at the hot blonde in the bleachers.

Pie: Has never said bad things about his (former) teammates.
Edmonds: Has never said good things about his (current) teammates.

Pie: Can be expected to lay down a bunt in late-inning sitch.
Edmonds: Can't spell bunt.

Pie: Can be expected to struggle and strike out frequently.
Edmonds: Can be expected to hold his lower back in agony after a strikeout and need three days to recover.

Pie: Has a bright future ahead of him if he gets a chance.
Edmonds: Has a long life of biker bars and rehabs ahead of him.

Pie: Could be starting for the Cubs in 2010.
Edmonds: Could be on the dole by 2010.

Pie: Has never taunted Cubs fans.
Edmonds: Has.